Category Archives: My Heart Speaks

Fatherhood and What It Really Means

I deemed it appropriate to ask my husband what fatherhood means to him. I’d rather not put words into his mouth thus I felt the need to ask. He briefly retorted that it is an incredible thing.

Being the persistent blogger that I am, I further asked:

“Incredible in what way?”

Getting his perspectives of what fatherhood really meant for him is actually a good idea. However, I personally find it self-serving. There is no way he would speak high and mighty about himself because that’s not just him. My husband is such a low-key, low-profile individual who has got no hang-ups in life. No fuss, no dramas.

So I entirely deviated from what I actually want this post to mean. I feel that I saw all the tranformations that took place when he became a father. I say that because from the day he performed the first nappy change and when he stayed up all night to nurse our then newborn babe, I could not have imagined that he would be so strongly connected, involved, and supportive; but he amazingly is!

From a mother and wife’s perspectives, I saw with my very own eyes and felt from the depth of my heart how fatherhood really meant for my husband. Seeing the beautiful relationship between husband and son unfolding before my very eyes is unmatched!

My  precious gifts!

My precious gifts!

Coming home from work everyday now has a totally bigger meaning and purpose. With all the mundane tasks that he has to perform around the house, fatherhood has definitely sunk in.

He has been a hands-on Dad performing several tasks all for the love of Jamie: changing nappy, changing clothes, washing and sterelising feeding bottles, settling the baby to sleep, and waking up in the middle of the night to feed him when I am too deadbeat to do it.

Apart from that, he wakes up very early in the morning so I could get more sleep, feeding and nursing our baby each time I am preoccupied with other household chores. On top of it all, he has the ability to transform himself into a funny clown when the need arises. When our baby feels bored while watching him wash the dishes, his rare antics, which include doing the Michael Jackson breakdance (LOL!)- would immediately plaster back the smile on Jamie’s face.

He has that very special interaction and connection with our son that I find so rare and special!

My precious boys!

My precious boys!

He is indeed doing a marvellous job looking after me and our adorable bundle of joy. He has done a conscious effort of being there all the way for me as his wife and the mother of his son.

I would have felt so miserable had he not been putting his weight into all these. I am the luckiest because he helps me out in the best way he knows how. Not only does he recognize that his support means a mountain to me but he also finds it imperative that I need time to be alone. “Me” time to reinvigorate me so I’d be ready to face another day. He’d so often volunteered to mind Jamie; prodding me to go out with friends and have a good time. There was an instance where he babysat and out I was with some girls enjoying a videoke marathon. Lol!

This is the kind of man I married two years ago who is now a doting and an incredible father to our adorable son. Both of them are God’s perfect gifts to me. They make my life worth the while!

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On Motherhood and the “Jamie First” Rule

My last blogpost was about me reentering the workforce after a couple of months Parental Leave. That was more than a month ago before my mother went back home to the Philippines. Read HERE.

To say that the transition is tough is an understatement. But that’s to be expected. If it’s any consolation at all, we were able to establish our daily routines soon after she left. For working parents like us, we felt it was very essential especially that we have to look after a not-so-newborn-babe. The established routine made things a LITTLE organized, if not putting COMPLETE order in everything.

The life-changing transition is exhausting and draining. I entirely forgot the last time I combed my hair straight after having a shower in the morning. To save time, I have been doing it in the car on our way to work and that includes making myself tidy and presentable for work. Read H E R E.

If there’s anything, parenthood had taught us selflessness. My husband and I was able to implement a “Jamie First” rule around the house. Jamie MUST come first and foremost under whatever circumstance- NO buts, NO ifs. If out of habit we unconsciously break it, we have each other to remind the “Jamie First” rule.

"Jamie First" Rule

“Jamie First” Rule

Being brand new parents, we realized that having a baby is not all about perfect smiles, giggles, and cuteness overload at all times. We had to deal with poos, wees, snots, vomits, cries, and screams at ungodly hours.

I must admit that in the beginning, I felt occasional resentment because I could no longer do the normal stuff that I was so used to doing- taking a shower first thing in the morning, going to the toilet to answer the call of nature, unlimited Blogging and Facebooking, napping, and I could not believe it that combing my hair had become a “task” that’s often impossible to perform! My entire time was wholeheartedly devoted looking after my newborn. I felt the frustration and exhaustion to the core. I was missing the old “Me.” I find myself crying a river after waking up in the middle of the night to perform the repeated cycle of feeding and nappy change.

I was cursing myself for feeling the frustration and exhaustion. I felt I was a total failure! My husband had to pacify me; he had to repeatedly remind me to be kind to myself and that I am doing an amazing job. He never fails to give me that morale boost!

Apart from the physical exhaustion, motherhood also entails non-stop worrying from the big to the most trivial things. The constant paranoia was eating me alive especially after the first few weeks of giving birth. I am an anxiety-ridden first-time Mum! It’s absolute insanity!

But nobody said motherhood is going to be a walk in the park. It is difficult; it is very challenging. But we were told, it will only get better.

I chose to be a mother and I can’t allow the long trying nights of exhaustion wear me down nor the feeling of anxiety and resentment take over my life.

Modern day version of "Sisa"

Modern day version of “Sisa”

Our little Jamie ain’t gonna be a baby forever. We were warned not to blink an eye or else, we’ll miss it. Drinking in our little miracle at this stage is what gives myself and my husband the joy in its purest form; I could not even fathom the depth of our love that he had stirred in us even before he was born. He instantly stole our hearts from the second we laid eyes on him!

Breathing him in by staring at the stillness and innocence of his eyes; listening to his babbles, coos, ahhs, and gurgles; holding his tiny hands and feet; and swooping gently his tiny body into my shoulders or close to my bosom to give him my sweet caress and cuddles are the little things that did not only mean the whole world to him but also to me and my husband. These are the adorable and precious moments of his life that will be forever etched in our very beings.

This amazing creature is ours! Wow!

My Jamie Love's tiny feet

My Jamie Love’s tiny feet

Time passes by so quickly and I still have not fully wrapped my mind around the solid fact that I am now a mother. I still can’t believe my good fortune! Is it just me being weird or do you Mums out there ever get used to this feeling?

There’s a lot of humps and bumps along this journey but there’s absolutely no regrets. I would not trade any of it for the world!

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All Things Fall Into Place

The bliss of parental leave is over and I had officially reentered the workforce last week. On my first day, I had to get a hang of things at our new work location.

New work building

New work building

They had to get me set up on my first day as my previous account was disabled. Access to work emails, programs, and facilities were successfully done. There were minor glitches here and there but they were swiftly addressed to by the Service Desk. They had me get up to speed at work in no time.

I was on Parental Leave for close to half a year. The transition period from being the primary carer of my first born to being a full-time working Mum is such a massive challenge. It was also a very emotional time for transition. I am floored by how much I kept thinking of my delicious and beautiful little boy while I was at work and to say that I missed him tremendously is an understatement.

We are blessed that we still got my Mum to render assistance to us for the time being. It kept my mind generally at peace and calm. The big transition is still contained at the moment but once my Mum goes back to the Philippines, that’s when the real big challenge begins. We would have to deal with it sooner or later.

It helped hugely that my new work location is now closer to home. It means less time for travel and more time spent with my family. It’s also flexi-time for me. The most beautiful thing of all is that I can work from home once a week.

Screen Shot 2015-08-09 at 8.47.03 pm

Screen Shot 2015-08-09 at 8.47.46 pm

That means I can work even on my pajamas and without having the need to take a shower. LOL! Seriously, it is a very important aspect of my job especially now that I have literally embraced to be a full-time working mother head on.

Surprisingly, motherhood changed me in ways I had never anticipated. Suffice it to say that for now, my goal is to create a balance in every aspect of our family life for the welfare and best interest of our first born. It will never be easy but “Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason (Albert Schweitzer).”

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Thanksgiving: A Richer and Fuller Experience

Our Church recently had our Mid-Year Anniversary Thanksgiving. It was highly anticipated by our little family.

It’s the first Thanksgiving by our little man. I felt the excitement. It’s not only a milestone for him but also for us as his doting parents.

After the Children's Thanksgiving Worship Service

After the Children’s Thanksgiving Worship Service

It’s even more special because his Grandma, who’s my lovely Mum, was with us to take part in the event.

With the lovely Lola and handsome Dad

With the lovely Lola and handsome Dad

I think she’s even more excited than me to see her adorable grandson all geared up for Church Thanksgiving. As a matter of fact, she made sure the little boy had outfit rehearsals TWICE! ;-)



No Extraordinary Day
But it is more than just the physical attributes; it is not about how grand were the prepared outfits and how lavish the meal prepared on that day. Believe me, we were not dressed in our grandeur and there was nothing special laid out on the table but our hearts felt the joy. It was indeed no extraordinary day! It is more importantly about sharing a special day of Thanksgiving with our family.

Thanksgiving is a special time to celebrate God’s glorious blessings that flowed to His Church and His people. It is a holy occasion. It is essentially about giving praises and honor to our one and only God. It is also about consistency on how we offer ourselves in Thanksgiving. This gratitude did not come in the form of reverie; it is a constant part of our very beings- a richer and fuller experience than I ever imagined it could be.

In Thanksgiving: The Birth of Our Son
Thanksgiving celebration is not without valid and solid reasons. If not for God’s love, mercy, and grace; we would not have been able to celebrate this holy occasion as a family.

Our little family

Our little family

The birth of our son is truly God’s wonderful and precious gift to us.


My little man

My lovely boys

My lovely boys

My son and I

My son and I

He is fully wrapped in God’s magnificent and beautiful masterpiece. He is absolutely more than we have hoped and prayed for.

My adorable son

My adorable son

As I look at my son with extreme fondness and love, my heart could not help but melt!

Mother and son

Mother and son

God’s miraculous hand is indeed awesome! It is more than enough reason to celebrate the real expression of overflowing gratitude and return back all the glory to Him for His infinite kindness and blessings that were unnumbered.

Thank you!
It is also the perfect time to thank all the people who have richly touched our lives in one way or the other.

With some friends at Church

With some friends at Church

The trivial, small, and massive encounters were hugely treasured. Their presence in our lives were powerful. In the face of countless challenges and adversities, they stood by us without hesitation. We thank the Lord for placing them into our lives!

From our home to yours, Happy Anniversary Thanksgiving!

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He’s Tougher Than I Thought

My darling son’s second round of needles was done yesterday. It must be noted that when he was only 8 weeks old, he got his first routinary vaccine and I was forewarned that he will cry like never before once he’d feel the pain on both his thighs.

With the initial warning, I made it a point that I won’t be a witness to that. I knew firsthand that it will send my blood pressure to the roof if I see him in extreme pain.

True enough, I went with my husband and my mother on my son’s first needle appointment but I stayed out of the room. I was fidgety when I heard him crying from where I was; its a cry like it’s the end of the world!

My heart truly bled for him. I wanted to comfort him, cuddle him in my arms, kiss away all his tears and pains. Ah! So this is how motherhood is like! ;-)

It proved to be uneventful for him. He did not get any chills or low-grade fever. If the Panadol helped when it was given to him 30 minutes before the vaccination took place, I would not have known.

Moving forward, I was not able to evade witnessing his second vaccination because my husband was at work. I must say it wasn’t as bad as I imagined.

jaime immunization

My precious babe is tougher than I thought.

He was his usual old jovial self after about 10 minutes of crying non-stop. I held him in my arms and his killer smiles simply made my heart melt, his adorable coos and gurgles made my heart leap with joy.

It was a feeling that is totally indescribable.

Indeed, motherhood had altogether altered me at all levels.

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