My last blogpost was about me reentering the workforce after a couple of months Parental Leave. That was more than a month ago before my mother went back home to the Philippines. Read HERE.
To say that the transition is tough is an understatement. But that’s to be expected. If it’s any consolation at all, we were able to establish our daily routines soon after she left. For working parents like us, we felt it was very essential especially that we have to look after a not-so-newborn-babe. The established routine made things a LITTLE organized, if not putting COMPLETE order in everything.
The life-changing transition is exhausting and draining. I entirely forgot the last time I combed my hair straight after having a shower in the morning. To save time, I have been doing it in the car on our way to work and that includes making myself tidy and presentable for work. Read H E R E.
If there’s anything, parenthood had taught us selflessness. My husband and I was able to implement a “Jamie First” rule around the house. Jamie MUST come first and foremost under whatever circumstance- NO buts, NO ifs. If out of habit we unconsciously break it, we have each other to remind the “Jamie First” rule.
Being brand new parents, we realized that having a baby is not all about perfect smiles, giggles, and cuteness overload at all times. We had to deal with poos, wees, snots, vomits, cries, and screams at ungodly hours.
I must admit that in the beginning, I felt occasional resentment because I could no longer do the normal stuff that I was so used to doing- taking a shower first thing in the morning, going to the toilet to answer the call of nature, unlimited Blogging and Facebooking, napping, and I could not believe it that combing my hair had become a “task” that’s often impossible to perform! My entire time was wholeheartedly devoted looking after my newborn. I felt the frustration and exhaustion to the core. I was missing the old “Me.” I find myself crying a river after waking up in the middle of the night to perform the repeated cycle of feeding and nappy change.
I was cursing myself for feeling the frustration and exhaustion. I felt I was a total failure! My husband had to pacify me; he had to repeatedly remind me to be kind to myself and that I am doing an amazing job. He never fails to give me that morale boost!
Apart from the physical exhaustion, motherhood also entails non-stop worrying from the big to the most trivial things. The constant paranoia was eating me alive especially after the first few weeks of giving birth. I am an anxiety-ridden first-time Mum! It’s absolute insanity!
But nobody said motherhood is going to be a walk in the park. It is difficult; it is very challenging. But we were told, it will only get better.
I chose to be a mother and I can’t allow the long trying nights of exhaustion wear me down nor the feeling of anxiety and resentment take over my life.
Our little Jamie ain’t gonna be a baby forever. We were warned not to blink an eye or else, we’ll miss it. Drinking in our little miracle at this stage is what gives myself and my husband the joy in its purest form; I could not even fathom the depth of our love that he had stirred in us even before he was born. He instantly stole our hearts from the second we laid eyes on him!
Breathing him in by staring at the stillness and innocence of his eyes; listening to his babbles, coos, ahhs, and gurgles; holding his tiny hands and feet; and swooping gently his tiny body into my shoulders or close to my bosom to give him my sweet caress and cuddles are the little things that did not only mean the whole world to him but also to me and my husband. These are the adorable and precious moments of his life that will be forever etched in our very beings.
This amazing creature is ours! Wow!
Time passes by so quickly and I still have not fully wrapped my mind around the solid fact that I am now a mother. I still can’t believe my good fortune! Is it just me being weird or do you Mums out there ever get used to this feeling?
There’s a lot of humps and bumps along this journey but there’s absolutely no regrets. I would not trade any of it for the world!
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